Unless you live under a rock you’ve probably heard of ride-sharing, or at least the two leading companies in the field: Uber and Lyft. If you live in a city, you’ve probably used their services to get to the airport, or get around during a night on the town, or go shopping. (Note: there is some mild controversy as to whether or not companies such as Lyft or Uber are “ride-hailing” or “ride-sharing.” I’m choosing to go with the term the companies themselves use: ride-share.)
Ride-sharing has semi-revolutionized the way people get around, especially in urban areas. Why worry about parking, or staying sober, or airport traffic, when you can put those responsibilities on somebody else for a few bucks?
But there’s a dark side to all of this. I’ve been both a passenger and a driver, and let me assure you that the experience is MUCH better from the passenger’s point of view. For one thing, it’s a customer service job, and nothing will erode your faith in humanity as quickly as dealing with the public. That’s just in general. In particular, driving with a ride-sharing company means that you are often dealing with the public at their worst: drunk, or on a bad date, or on the way to the hospital because they can’t afford an ambulance.
but don’t mess up my hair!
As a driver, I was insulted, had to clean vomit off of the side of the car (thank god it wasn’t IN the car!), had to kick out a passenger who insisted on smoking (and didn’t seem drunk, just an asshole!), was hit by another driver who wasn’t paying attention when they pulled out of a parking lot , and was repeatedly propositioned by one of the three tipsy guys I picked up from a gay bar. It was unexpectedly hard on my body as well. Driving for eight to ten hours per shift, even with frequent breaks to stretch, puts a lot of wear and tear on a person’s leg joints and back. And last but not least: nobody is doing this driving for free, and the money just isn’t all that great.
The situation isn’t always rosy from a passenger’s perspective, either. For example, Uber and Lyft both offer two tiers of passenger experience: the standard “private car”, and a slightly cheaper service where you share a ride with other passengers, but will almost certainly not be taking a direct route. I had several passengers who, being out drinking, had thought they got the exclusive service but had instead accidentally selected the true Ride Share Experience. Sometimes they were able to see it was their own mistake, but more often they blamed the driver and/or the other passengers for their inconvenience.
There’s another thing most passengers don’t know about. Taxi and limo drivers have a special kind of driver’s license. The name varies from place to place (livery or chauffeur’s license being the most common), but the result is more or less the same. In essence, a driver with this kind of license isn’t liable for their passenger’s actions. For example, if a passenger is drinking alcohol or not using their seat belt, any legal consequence is on them. Not so for the ride-share driver; the driver gets the ticket for that passenger’s behavior if they’re caught. The drivers for the higher-end ride-share services (for example Uber Black) have these licenses, but most other drivers don’t. Try telling that to the passenger with a Red Plastic Cup full of beer, though!
As a passenger, you also don’t know exactly what kind of driver you’ll get. A bad driver will eventually get weeded out by the driver ranking system, but you might be one of their passengers before that happens. Their car may be a smelly mess, or maybe the driver is the smelly mess. One time, as a passenger, I had a driver who brought his dog along. When I asked, he said he brought the dog on every ride. I like dogs well enough, but that’s extremely unprofessional. What if the passengers are allergic to dogs? And, of course, there was dog hair all over the seats and therefore all over the clothes of the passengers.
Then there was this driver that a passenger told me about: apparently, when she and her friends got in the car, the driver offered them a hit off of his lit joint. I assume that the driver didn’t last long, but that story did inspire me to create the listicle with which I’ll be ending this post.
Things you don’t want to hear from your ride-share driver…
- “I’m glad [the company] doesn’t do much in terms of background checks. I can’t get any other jobs.”
- “Want a hit off of this joint?”
- “Seat belts fastened? Good. Hold on, I want to try something I saw in a Looney Tunes cartoon once!”
- “I met God the other day…”
- “I need to pull over and purge my stomach. Had a bit too much to drink with breakfast.”
- “Anyone have a lozenge? I think I’m coming down with something…” (The word “lozenge” is always funny!)
- “Damn, I forgot to take my psych meds this morning!”
- “My water just broke! We’ll be taking a slight detour!”
- “Oops.” (This one also applies to dentists, surgeons, and nuclear weapon calibration technicians.)
- “Do you want to buy this gun? It’s only been used a couple of times.”
- “Hey there, you’re very sexy! Now I know where you live! This job is awesome!”